It’s America first, but how about putting South Africa second?

It’s America first, but how about putting South Africa second?

Yolisa Mkele | 08 February, 2017 09:29

It's America first, but how about putting South Africa second?
U.S. President Donald Trump returns a salute as he steps from Marine One upon his return to the White House in Washington February 6, 2017. Image by: KEVIN LAMARQUE / REUTERS

(Times Live) – We’re all painfully aware that President Donald J Trump wants “America First” but who comes second in his ranking of nations?

In an attempt to steal a march, the Dutch satirical news show Zondag Met Lubach made a pithy video extolling the virtues of The Netherlands in the hopes of convincing the Orange in Chief to put America First and The Netherlands Second. The video has gone viral, garnering more than 20million views.

Not to be left out we thought we’d throw our hat into the ring and explain why it should be America First and South Africa Second:

We already have a bunch of Dutch people spreading alternative facts

A few years ago, some of the very same people trying to convince you to come to Holland, left that country and came to make nice with our population. Their love for our weather was such that they’ve been reluctant to go back. To hear them tell it, ever since they got here we’ve managed to build a great and civilised nation that, thanks to Mandela, is now free of racism.

Steve Bannon will have someone to play with

We also have a Steve – he’s terrific, he’s huge, he’s stupidly talented. Our Steve’s surname is Hofmeyr and he too has a fondness for those trendy white hooded robes you guys wear that side. Like Bannon he also uses the “skin colour” crayon when drawing pictures of people.

We’ve got no ”bad hombres”

God saw fit to build a whole ocean between us and Mexico. He did this because he knew that, like Americans, South Africans don’t take kindly to “bad hombres”. They’re the worst. The result is that we have almost no Mexicans here and that’s surely amazing for you.

We’re united in xenophobia

Few things ruffle South African feathers more than pesky foreigners fleeing strife. No amount of persecution or strife justifies illegally crossing arbitrary border lines to steal our jobs. Like your administration, we take a very dim view of this.

For all these reasons and more we think that as the most powerful Cheese Curl in the free world you would be doing yourself a great favour by putting “America First” while sliding South Africa the silver medal.